I have debated for a few days now what type of post I wanted to do next. I feel as if I am the worst at starting a post, saving it as a draft, and then never coming back to it. Plus, I have had so much on my mind lately I guess you could say I’ve been a little distracted. Still, I feel it is important to share my thoughts about life and life has definitely been a rollercoaster ride lately.
On Saturday I ran a 15k. As I said in my first post, I love running. I’m not always the best, but it is an incredible stress reliever for me. Unfortunately, about 2.5 miles in to my run on Saturday I began to feel a sharp pain in my right ankle. The best description I could think to describe it is I felt as if someone had stabbed my ankle with a knife. It was horrible.
I made it to mile 3 and the medic station. I sat down and elevated my ankle. Naturally, I thought the medics would take a look at my ankle, wrap it, give me some advice, and help me decide if I should keep running or not. I was wrong. The medic basically told me there was nothing he could do for me and I had to decide if it was worth it to keep running or not. After a phone call to my mom, I decided to tough it out and finish the race.
This 15k was easily the hardest race I have ever ran. I did better in my half-marathon (which is dubbed as the toughest half in Texas) than I did in this 15k. I was one of the last one’s to finish, and I was in a lot of pain when I crossed the finish line, but I finished.
I wish I could say my week has improved since Saturday, but it hasn’t. Work has been stressful and school has been even more stressful. Yesterday I got out class and debated skipping the rest of my classes for the day to just go home and cry. I have felt so disorganized lately, and mono is definitely still taking a toll on my body. For a person who can be as type-A as I am, I have felt disappointed in myself for not feeling like I’m on top of things. Everything has just been piling on up and it’s definitely having an effect on me. (Plus my poor Rangers lost today…)
I hate to sound melodramatic, but sometimes I feel as if October is just my kryptonite month. Constantly I feel like things go wrong for me during the month of October. I think the last “good” October month I had was five years ago. Other than that, the October’s that came before and the October’s that came after have all just been hard.
Despite feeling beaten down lately, I have been reminded of this verse –
“Forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14.
In all of this craziness of life, it really is easy for me to focus on how hard everything is. How I feel like so much is wrong. Yet I am not designed to look behind. I am not designed to live in the past. What is past is prologue, yes, but I am designed to look forward. This is the only way I can get where I need to go. I wish I knew why things seem to randomly get hard all at one time, but I have taught myself to say what’s life without a couple curveballs?
I never expected my last semester of college to be so stressful. I have days where 66 days until graduation cannot come soon enough, then I have my days where I question if I will even make it to graduation. I cannot emphasize enough how much I feel my faith is constantly being tested. Yet, there is one thing I can always say – through everything, I always make it out on the other side. Life may be hectic and hard right now, but I simply have to trust that God will give me the strength to carry on. Plot twist – He always will.